Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
