the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
