All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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