Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
