Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
