In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
