i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
