I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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