im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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