When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
