this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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