My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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