I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
