Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
