I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
