I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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