I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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