I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
