We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I love you. Go after that dick
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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