She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
