I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
