I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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