clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
