Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
