Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
