When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
