The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
