That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My cat gives me a boner
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't deserve a penis
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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