did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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