My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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