everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
