just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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