Ambien. No doubt about it.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
