god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
