There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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