I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize