The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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