why im i the only drunk person in the library?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
