I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
