Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
