I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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