is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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