the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize