I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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