I got chris browned last night
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
