my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
