In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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