is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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