i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
