someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
