What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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