I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
where are my eyebrows?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
