Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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