Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
