OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
