I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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