I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
