i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
