I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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