Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize