best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
