so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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