Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
