Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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