Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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