I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
