u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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