well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Everyone says I win the strip club
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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