i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
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