Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
