when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
