So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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