we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
