You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
