my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
