Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
